“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:5-6 KJV
Marriage is a gift from God and is a commitment and covenant before God. God’s design for marriage was to provide a safe space for your spouse, to create a spiritual partnership, filled with spiritual intimacy, and to pursue Him together. God created husband and wife to steer each other in His direction, not just seek Him in times of trouble. Godly marriages are also designed to be an example and point others to Christ as well. Many believers in Christ do not know what a proper marriage really looks like and most live out what they have seen or experienced growing up. The love that we have for our spouse should reflect the love that we have for our Heavenly Father. Having a godly marriage means creating and building a marriage that is established with biblical principles and rooted in the word of God.
Love, Honor and Protect your marriage….at ALL times and at ALL costs. There is a war going on and you must safeguard your marriage from the hands and the works of the enemy. The devil seeks to divide and conquer. He hates marriage and is upset at the commitment you made. And he especially hates a marriage where both spouses are serving God because it makes the marriage more powerful and solid. He knows how much damage a healthy, god-fearing marriage can do to destroy his kingdom. He also knows how much destruction a troubled marriage can bring. If his attacks are successful, your marriage will not reflect the image of God. And consequently, it will be filled with bitterness, turmoil, and never-ending chaos. The devil is a great deceiver and if you fall victim to his deception, you will believe his lies. You will harbor unforgiveness, anger, and resentment towards each other. You will view your spouse as the enemy instead of realizing who the real enemy is and that he is behind it and orchestrating it all. He will do everything in his power to make you feel like you made a mistake, make you want to throw in the towel, or feel like marriage is too hard.
If you fail to identify the enemy then you cannot defeat him. You will not be able to destroy his stronghold, because you are too busy tearing down and blaming each other and your marriage will slip further into misery and despair. If you do not kill the sin, then it will kill your marriage. Remember --The times that seem the most difficult to pray are the times when we need to pray the hardest. The times when we neglect to pray is when we allow the devil to come in and get a stronghold in our marriage. Consistently pray, speaking scripture over your life, your family, and your marriage. God can heal whatever the devil has broken, and God can block whatever the devil wants to steal from you. He wants to destroy your marriage, your life, and your testimony.
Marriage can be a beautiful thing, if entered into for the right reasons, and if the two are truly willing to do what it takes to make it work. No one wants to be married and miserable. Unresolved issues can create a divide, a breakdown in communication, and lead to a cycle or pattern of dysfunction. In order for your marriage to heal from toxicity, each person must be willing to hold themselves accountable for his or her own actions, harsh words, and unhealthy contributions. It is easy to point fingers, find fault and judge others, but we have to judge ourselves with that same measure. We must take time to focus on self (examine yourself) because no one is perfect…...including you. Yes, communication is needed, but we also must learn how to forgive.
Some people enter into marriage for the wrong reasons and with a misguided and twisted mindset. They use marriage as a tool of leverage or as an advantage and means to manipulate the other partner, play on their emotions, vulnerability, or guilt. Some see it as a means to simply satisfy their lust and therefore view their spouse as a sexual object and place their needs over the other. Some tend to think that just because the person is married to them, they are supposed to be a doormat or verbal punching bag and take whatever they are giving them. Then there are some who feel like their spouse is their property and belongs to them and will never leave….no matter how bad they treat them.
When couples are not living for God, the marriage becomes about the two of them and they will only focus on their own selfish desires. It is not about pleasing God, but more about satisfying the flesh. Unrealistic expectations are developed. They depend more on the other person to fulfill their needs rather than God. The love that they have for their spouse is based on how much or what their spouse does for them. This will only give them a false sense of security and will not end well. Because when their spouses fail to live up to the ungodly standards that they have set, then they are left feeling disappointed, let down, and disheartened.
So often we get caught up in the fantasy or idea of what marriage is falsely portrayed to be, rather than really grasping the true meaning of what God intended for marriage to be. It is more than wedding planning, bridal showers, bachelor parties, and the ceremony. We have to know and understand what God’s design and divine purpose for the union of husband and wife really is. And I not ashamed to admit…… I truly did not have a clue. When I first got married, I had no idea of how to be a wife, but I knew what I wanted in a husband. He had to be a man of God. I knew in my heart that if he genuinely loved God, then he would know how to love me—but what I did not do, was ask God to examine me. I failed to look at myself and see if I had the same qualities that I desired in a husband. While praying for God to send me a “Godly” husband, at the same time, I should have been praying for Him to make me a “Godly” wife. Yes, there have been a lot of hard-fought battles and lessons learned and in time I learned to step back and let God have HIS way.
When I started this spiritual journey, God began to restore me, and then He began to restore and heal my marriage. I decided that I wanted a “Godly” marriage and I have been working and striving to have just that. As I began to walk with Him, he began to show me what marriage was really about, according to His biblical standards and not the world. When I applied his principles to my life, then everything started to change and there was peace in my life and in my home.
“Through wisdom is a house built; and by understanding it is established.” Proverbs 24:3 KJV
Marriage was not designed to be painful, hard, or a place of constant unhappiness. But it will be if God is not the head. It is possible to have a godly marriage but in order for that to materialize, BOTH spouses must have a burning desire to walk and live for God. If your spouse hasn’t gotten there yet, do not give up. You didn’t get there overnight, and neither will they. — Keep loving them, keep praying for them, and showing them the same patience and grace that God gave you. — Trust God and continue to grow and walk in Godly love with a Mutual and Genuine Respect for one another.
Marriage is God’s Gift to us! It should never be forsaken or taken for granted!
“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:20-27 KJV
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