~My Testimony~
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
When I came back home, it was for the sole purpose of working on/salvaging my marriage. I was tired, mentally drained, and I just wanted peace and for things in my life to be different. I tried it my way and that wasn’t working, which is why I gave it All to God. Everything was now in His hands; He had complete control. And as time went by, He began to work on me. I kept hearing over and over in my mind, “Come out from among them…...be ye separate.” My spirit was being convicted. Everything started to change — from my daily routine, to the music I listened to, to what I watched on television, and even the way that I interacted with my husband. I shut off social media and limited whatever communication I had with the outside world. The pruning process had already begun, I just wasn’t aware.
I started watching different types of sermons, and testimonies that would pop on my YouTube feed every day. They were timely and touched me deeply. I quickly realized that they were not random……I was being purposely led. I also read many different articles that resonated with my life and with the things that God was beginning to teach me. One day, I pulled out an old notebook and I started to write down different scriptures, words, and phrases. I would research them to get a better understanding and find out the biblical meaning behind them. There were times when I would write headings on blank pages in my notebook and just leave it. I would spend hours writing (day or night), it became therapeutic and spiritual. My husband did not understand it, and at times he thought that I was ignoring him, but I couldn't explain it. I was going through this extraordinary process—it was life changing.
God was the center of my life and my soul salvation became my number one priority. My focus had to shift, and my mind had to be renewed, which in turn, changed my way of thinking and my entire way of being. I was learning that this journey God was taking me on, was personal. We both had our own demons we had to face and we had to fight. This was so much bigger than our marriage. I intentionally spent time with God each day……I had to……I longed for it. Then one day, God began to speak to me, not audibly, but spiritually. He told me that in order for Him to get me where He needed me to be and to prepare me for the battle that I was going to face, He had to remove all of the distractions out my life—all of the trash, all of the clutter and all of the debris. He said that small voice you would hear that you thought was your conscience……that was My voice speaking to you. He began to show me things, spiritually, that I cannot even put into words. I had never experienced anything like that before…...to actually be able to commune with God and to be in His presence. I knew my life would never be the same.
At that moment, I began to Thank and Praise God. I Thanked Him for never giving up on me, and for never taking His hands off of me. I Thanked Him for His Grace and for having mercy on me, because I knew I did not deserve it. He could have let me die in my sin, but He was giving me an opportunity to get it right. My heart was overjoyed and filled with so much humility and gratitude, because He didn’t have to do any of this for me and for that I am eternally grateful!
I came back for what I thought was to save my marriage, but God SAVED ME! He knew what was going to happen, I just had to be obedient and trust Him. He knew that my heart and mind was open to fully receive Him. All of the hours the drove, as He took me safely to and from…..I was connecting with Him the entire time. I felt His presence and deep down I knew it was something greater in store. I just didn’t know or understand what it would be. He was preparing me to live my life totally and completely dependent on Him and for Him. He took someone who was completely broken and began to heal the shattered pieces.
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